yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
