this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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