Don't make out with my wife yet
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
How naked do you want me to be?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
