Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize