The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
