We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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