I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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