Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Randomize
