we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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