just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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