Only a mothe r could love this liver
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
