I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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