rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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