the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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