My nipple is on Facebook.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
