if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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