My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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