If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
