i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
