think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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