these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
