Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
