There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
