i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
