Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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