Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
