$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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