my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
