Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
