the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
