Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
