she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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