I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
