Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
