would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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