I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
