were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
