dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
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