Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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