Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize