She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
