69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
