Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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