we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
