Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
