Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
