Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
