so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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