Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
