The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
