i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize