I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
