I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
