That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
