she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
