I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
