Man, jail baloney is awful.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
