Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
