Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
