Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
