Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
