I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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