I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
