I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
