God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
