Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
