cat food counts as protein by the way
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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