Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
