also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize