I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
