I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
