Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
no you cant smoke seaweed
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
