no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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