you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
